1 Audio

India Under Threat.

  • 12 Feb, 2025
00:00
4:30
A Nation in Crisis** **[Opening Scene: Dramatic news anchor voice, intense music]** *"Breaking News! India faces its biggest crisis yet! No, not inflation, not unemployment, not even a Chief Minister resigning after months of civil war happening in manipur—this is far, far worse. A YouTuber, known for his self-help gyaan and weird obsession with nofap, made an unfunny joke on a comedy show. And now? The nation is in flames!"* --- ### **Act 1: The Crime of the Century – Ranveer's Joke** [Visual: Clip of Ranveer’s question, followed by exaggerated sound effects like a nuclear explosion] Yes, Ranveer Allahbadia, aka *BeerBiceps*, a man whose entire brand revolves around bro-philosophy, pseudoscience and pedaling pro govt. Propoganda decided that comedy was his next frontier. And how did that go? Like a fish deciding to take up mountain climbing. He went on *India’s Got Latent* (the most appropriately named show in hindsight) and asked a contestant whether they'd rather **watch their parents have sex for life or join in once to stop it**. Truly, the kind of question that will solve world hunger. And yet, despite this groundbreaking contribution to society, the internet had the audacity to get offended. Because yes, let’s be real—**that joke was terrible**. Not just offensive, but bad. It was the comedic equivalent of burnt Maggi—tasteless, awkward, and something you immediately regret consuming. But the real problem? **What happened next.** --- ### **Act 2: A Full-Blown National Crisis** [Visual: Montage of police sirens, crime scene tape, and news headlines] Now, in any sane country, a bad joke would be met with an eye-roll and some memes. But this is India, baby! **So obviously, Mumbai Police was sent to the studio.** Because when you have a city dealing with extortion rackets, drug cartels, and rising crime, **the top priority is tracking down a man who said something cringeworthy on a comedy show.** Then came the FIRs—**not one, not two, but multiple FIRs** across different states. Assam, Mumbai, probably one filed in Antarctica by a deeply disturbed penguin. **Ranveer Allahbadia was now India’s Most Wanted Criminal.** The only thing missing was an *NIA raid* and a Netflix docuseries titled *The Biceps Behind Bars*. And just when you thought the madness was over—**Prime-time debates happened.** [Cut to: Dramatic footage of news anchors screaming] Yes, news channels—those noble institutions known for spreading peace and harmony—**suddenly found their moral compass**. They devoted entire segments to discussing how **"influencers are corrupting the youth"**—which is rich coming from people whose only job is to scream at each other and convince the audience that their neighbors are secret terrorists. And if that wasn’t enough, **even the Chief Ministers of Maharashtra and Assam** decided to weigh in. Because obviously, nothing else is happening in their states. Infrastructure? Economy? Floods? Illegal Bengladeshi Immigration Who cares! The real crisis is that **This guy attempted humor.** --- ### **Act 3: The Hypocrisy of the Indian State** [Visual: Split-screen of Ranveer’s police summons and a politician giving an actual hate speech] Now, let’s get to the real joke here—**the hypocrisy of this entire system.** The Mumbai and Guwahati Police are running around, filing FIRs over a dumb joke. But when politicians **openly** deliver hate speeches—where are these FIRs? Where are the raids? The arrests? The outrage? [Cut to: News article showing that India’s top leadership gave the **most** hate speeches in 2024] Ah, right. **Turns out, if you’re a YouTuber making a bad joke, you’re an enemy of the state. But if you’re an elected official inciting violence, you’re a ‘leader of the people.’** What’s even more hilarious? The same news anchors who **regularly demonize entire communities** on prime-time TV are now lecturing us about "obscenity" and "public decency." These are people who have **literally built their careers on selling hate**—but today, they’re deeply concerned that YouTubers are doing things “for TRP.” **TRP, you say? TRP? From the same industry that will run a debate on communal slogans such as batoge to katoge to debating if farmers participated in protest are separatist who wants to establish khalistan. --- ### **Act 4: The Real Agenda – Censorship Incoming** [Visual: Dystopian future where all YouTubers must pass a government-approved humor test] Let me be very clear, This isn’t just about Ranveer. This is about **setting a precedent**. If they can come for someone as mainstream and brand-friendly as BeerBiceps, **they can come for anyone.** You think this ends with a bad joke? Nope. Now, **expect stricter censorship, new “guidelines” for content creators, and social media platforms coming under more government control.** And the best part? **Even some so-called “anti-fascists” are cheering this on.** Because they don’t like Ranveer and his bro-entrepreneur energy, they’re okay with him being used as a scapegoat. **Newsflash: once you let the state silence someone you don’t like, you make it easier for them to silence someone you do.** This is **how free speech dies—not with a bang, but with a viral clip, a media frenzy, and a bunch of FIRs over a joke that nobody even laughed at.** --- ### **Final Act: A Nation Needs to Chill** [Visual: Rohit Sharma cursing on the stump mic, Ranveer sitting at home with his lawyer] At this point, if Ranveer is going to jail for saying something crass, we might as well lock up Rohit Sharma for dropping maa-behen slurs on the stump mic. In fact, let’s arrest every uncle at every wedding for their inappropriate jokes. Let’s deploy Mumbai Police to track down anyone who’s ever made a bad pun. Or, here’s a wild idea: **maybe, just maybe, our outrage machine should focus on actual criminals, actual threats, and actual hate speech—rather than a YouTuber who just really, really sucks at comedy.** So, everyone, take a deep breath. **Eat some chaat, touch some grass, and most importantly—stop taking YouTubers so seriously.** Because if this is the hill we’re all dying on, then congratulations, we have officially become a country of clowns. [Screen fades to black. Dramatic "To Be Continued..." appears, because let’s be real—this isn’t the last time something this ridiculous will happen.] **[End Scene]**
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Fugitive name BeerBiceps on a run, Army in talks to deploy.

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